There have been several times in my life, for one reason or another, where I've seriously asked myself, 'who do you think you are?!'. Recently it's been in a funny way (like when I feel like I can *effectively* (wink) be a wife and mother, home school, carry a full time job (that's really like two) and still feel the weight of invisible expectations I put on myself to do it all - WHAT?!? Ha! Who do I think I am??!! That's not realistic - or balanced... another blog post altogether! Hello margin...)... but most of the time, it's in a more sobering and vulnerable way...
When I couldn't sing for 6 months and wondered if I had value other than being just a worship leader.
When I broke my right arm and had to ask for help to do EVERYTHING and wondered if I had value other than being just an independent woman.
When I went through a particularly difficult season and wondered if I had any value left *at all* when assessing the damage done.
These (and more times than I can count) have left me with the thought, "Who do you think you are and how can God use you in the state you're in??" (can I get an Amen?!)
Because artists are emotional *NEWS FLASH*, there is a propensity for us to rise and fall with opinion, ours or those of others, regardless of the truth of it - and to be defined by it. While I don't recommend subscribing to this, I've been guilty of it plenty of times. (Let me save you the trouble.)
If we get caught in the struggle of measuring our value against anything other than the opinion of a Creator who is crazy about us, we really will lose the focus of our true identity. We live, move and breathe, in Him and for Him. That's it. We have value because of who He is in us, not because of what we do. We have value because of who He sees that we can be. Our circumstances don't change our value. The opinions of others doesn't change our value. The price for our lives remains locked high. The sacrifice was great, and unchanging. He chose to give up His life for us because we are worth it - no matter what beautiful, ransacked state he finds us in.
So, who do you think you are? A mess? Maybe. Broken? Possibly. Not all you dreamed you would be? Perhaps. But I dare you... I DARE YOU.... ask the Lord His opinion of you and be brave enough to believe what He tells you. Nothing.else.matters.
Tara is Greg's girl, mom to two sons of thunder, a hunger fighter, big dreamer and worship pastor at seacoast church.