I'm not sure if it's the season or an awareness or a sentimentality, but I'm sensing a great need to be single again.
I love my husband. He's my college sweetheart and my forever companion. He and I are bound by an unwavering covenant...a promise we will keep until death. But I'm feeling a need to be single in my focus when I'm with him. He needs a wife who supports him and is a safe spot to land. Instead, I'm troubled, fragmented, lost in life's deluge. I want my focus to be on him when we're together.
I love my children. They are the joy of my heart and my legacy to the future. They are the sum of my dreams and even when days are really, really hard, they are amazing kids. But I'm feeling a need to be single in my focus when I'm with them. They are growing up and out of my house far too soon and need a mom who realizes the finite days we have. Instead, I'm inattentive, preoccupied, out of my mind busy. I want my focus to be on them when we're together.
I love my job. It's really nothing I ever dreamed I'd have the chance to be doing. I have an opportunity to do what I feel like I was created to do with incredibly creative people I love and minister to people I have a heart for. But I'm feeling a need to be single in my focus when I'm with the people I work with and minister to. They need a leader and friend that sets Jesus before them and offers a steadiness they can trust. Instead, I'm sidetracked, unintentionally absentminded, frantic to keep up. I want my focus to be on my them when we're together.
I love Jesus. There are simply not words to say how much and for what. He has rescued me from the depth of sin and soul darkness, healed my literal blind eyes, broken voice and bones. He knows my heart and is closer than my own skin. But I'm feeling a need to be single in my focus when I'm with Him. He wants my focus and a realization that all else will be added. Instead, I'm torn in my attentiveness, living so loudly there is no quiet, so tragically distracted.
So. I'm breaking it off. I'm going to be single again.
I'm divorcing distraction. I'm shutting down the noise....all in an effort to be all-in, fully engaged, laser focused, eye-locked and purposeful in my relationships.
It will require my effort, and most likely my attachment to things that don't matter. How about you? Ready to be single? Come join me... let's be single, together.
Tara is Greg's girl, mom to two sons of thunder, a hunger fighter, big dreamer and worship pastor at seacoast church.