I'm craving spiritual vision on the eve of gaining physical vision. For the first time since I was 7, there will be a surgery and I will be able to see. See unassisted, see without help.
See. Really see. I cannot imagine.
There will be a time, in the days to come before all is clear and made complete, when I'll have to trust that it will be... trust that the sharp laser and the jagged knife will need to cut to heal. Pain will be my friend and I will have to trust it will yield to wholeness and it soon will all even out in the end - and then -
Clarity. Blessed vision.
That's where I am spiritually. I'm in the place where I have to believe that all of the entanglement is going to clear. That the fog is going to lift. That the heart will quit breaking. That the focus is coming. That the lines of truth will stop being blurry. That the shards of my soul will stop feeling so prickly, but that the corners will round and my heart will heal, just like my eyes will. Eventually.
Right now, my eyes are scratchy, painful and ready to be done with decades of limping along. It's as if in these last days, they somehow know that the end of it all is soon - so they are throwing all caution to the wind, pulling out all the stops. Screaming discomfort, desperate for the release of years of being impaired. Yearning, almost, for what they know, in their Eden form, to be restored.
My soul feels just as shattered and in just the same desperate state of being in the last stages, the final push of pain... and I'm realizing... like my eyes, just because all of this feels bad, it doesn't mean it's wrong. It's quite possible, it just feels bad, because it is. It feels bad because a greater necessary pain is coming - wait for it - so that I can heal.
The questions I have are flooding: When I open my soul after the last final slice, what form will it take? What will my soul look like when I heal? Will I recognize me... or will I be just a glimmer of who I've been? As the entire world will look different with new eyes, will this "new soul" see these difficult days differently. Oh how I hope so.
Shattered soul that I am, oh that my eyes would soon gain the vision of Heaven supernaturally as I soon gain the vision of Earth.
Come, Lord. I'm ready to see....
Tara is Greg's girl, mom to two sons of thunder, a hunger fighter, big dreamer and worship pastor at seacoast church.