There have been several times in my life, for one reason or another, where I've seriously asked myself, 'who do you think you are?!'. Recently it's been in a funny way (like when I feel like I can *effectively* (wink) be a wife and mother, home school, carry a full time job (that's really like two) and still feel the weight of invisible expectations I put on myself to do it all - WHAT?!? Ha! Who do I think I am??!! That's not realistic - or balanced... another blog post altogether! Hello margin...)... but most of the time, it's in a more sobering and vulnerable way...
When I couldn't sing for 6 months and wondered if I had value other than being just a worship leader.
When I broke my right arm and had to ask for help to do EVERYTHING and wondered if I had value other than being just an independent woman.
When I went through a particularly difficult season and wondered if I had any value left *at all* when assessing the damage done.
These (and more times than I can count) have left me with the thought, "Who do you think you are and how can God use you in the state you're in??" (can I get an Amen?!)
Because artists are emotional *NEWS FLASH*, there is a propensity for us to rise and fall with opinion, ours or those of others, regardless of the truth of it - and to be defined by it. While I don't recommend subscribing to this, I've been guilty of it plenty of times. (Let me save you the trouble.)
If we get caught in the struggle of measuring our value against anything other than the opinion of a Creator who is crazy about us, we really will lose the focus of our true identity. We live, move and breathe, in Him and for Him. That's it. We have value because of who He is in us, not because of what we do. We have value because of who He sees that we can be. Our circumstances don't change our value. The opinions of others doesn't change our value. The price for our lives remains locked high. The sacrifice was great, and unchanging. He chose to give up His life for us because we are worth it - no matter what beautiful, ransacked state he finds us in.
So, who do you think you are? A mess? Maybe. Broken? Possibly. Not all you dreamed you would be? Perhaps. But I dare you... I DARE YOU.... ask the Lord His opinion of you and be brave enough to believe what He tells you. Nothing.else.matters.
I'm grateful to have done a bit of traveling in the last few months. On my most recent trip, I was flying on a particularly clear night and I peered out the window and saw a city approaching. I could see the whole city, all the roads, communities, buildings; it really was spectacular. I noticed how the roads connected, how the communities were laid out, how the buildings were placed. I heard the Lord speak quietly to my heart as I watched the great big wide world go by.
"Every light is a story."
I looked closer and tried to focus on just one light. One light in a multiple of millions. One story.
That light probably was a street light in a neighborhood. Which meant it gave light to several houses. All with families in various forms. All with heartaches and joys, questions and trouble. Some with dinner on the table, some not. That light represented someone's dream of renting or owning a home. A place to come home after work and connect with those they love, or a place to come to where there was no connection with anyone. It represented babies being born, people dying, loved ones with great news to share or moments of absolute terror. That one light wasn't just a light, it represented connection - with people - with situations - with something bigger than themselves. People were designed for it, you know - connection and community. That one light shining in that one city... every light is a story.
And Jesus knows them all.
This was just one smallish city. Just one light in that one small city. Just one street light in that one small city. Just one house, one person, one story. Among millions.
Overwhelming as it may seem, He knows the specific location of that very light. Every person that light reaches. Every story in their lives. Everything they feel. Every hair on their head.
Everywhere in the world.
PSALM 33:13 - 15
13The Lord looks down from heaven
and sees the whole human race.
14 From his throne he observes
all who live on the earth.
15 He made their hearts,
so he understands everything they do.
Just a sweet reminder that we are never alone. No matter if you feel like anyone knows your light story or not, Jesus does and He understands and is writing a beautiful novel of your life.
Your light is a story and it matters.
Tara is Greg's girl, mom to two sons of thunder, a hunger fighter, big dreamer and worship pastor at seacoast church.