Today was hard. Today was that day when words turned to water and they ran down my face. It was a day when I needed a pink sky and it came and as the rose colored light floooded the room and wrapped me in it, I remembered to breathe and felt the exale. More water. More water.
Today was the day I cleaned out the room. I put everything in boxes and bags and took it out. And my heart broke right in two. I felt like something died. I died. The thing as I knew it died. The laughter died. It was awful as I tried to muster a congratulatory banner. I don't know if I want it. I don't know why not. More water. More water.
I will remember this day. I will remember it as it became real to me that I was in mourning. Just like that February in the prayer room... 'hear the call to sing'. Mourning the loss of all that was and offering myself for what is to come. Processing that all of *that*... that... has brought me to today. More water. More water.
Now the sky goes purple. He comes in purple and rose and water. He comes just when I need it and oh I need it. And while my heart bleeds tonight, there is healing in the western sky. Even as the dark comes, I'm reminded that the color and light were there first and that it's all still there, just under the shoud of darkness. Night is coiming so that it can give way to a new day. How desperately do I need a new day. There will be rest tonight and tomorrow will be new. And I will breathe and learn new rhythms and it will be hard and awful and wonderful and healing.
So today was the day. Just when I thought I was going to curl up and die and the world as I know it was over... I woke up and realized I had forgotten about transforming grace and that he makes all things new in his time.
If he is taking it from me - it is for me.